Bad Hair Day

Sanjaya's Faux-Hawk is Faux-bulous!

Look before I address the hair, let's address the flawed concept behind a Gwen Stefani theme show.  While Gwen-themed bad hair was inevitable, I didn't know it would be this delightfully bad.  What I'm really wondering is why Sanjaya would sing a Gwen Stefani song in an alleged "singing" competition.  While most of the other contestants took advance of the opportunity to sing actual songs from artists that inspired Gwen Stefani (but apparently, not enough), Sanjaya digs up an old ditty from No Doubt.  Well, at least he didn't sing "Hollaback Girl."

But on to the hair, rarely does this Czar encouter bad hair that's so ridiculous, that it's absolutely fantastic.  Little Sanjaya could never pull off a real Mohawk, and heaven forbid he shave off some of those gorgeous Hooters-quality locks.  But this glammed up, teased up, ponied up faux-hawk is perfect for him.  It's all fluff and hairspray.  And when he takes his hair down at the end of the day, he can easily go back to his Farrah Fawcett pre-cancer look.  The whole look was so tongue in cheek ludicrous, that Sanjaya must have figured out that if he's gonna be the running joke of this competition, he might as well run with it.  And I salute that!

I vote for Sanjaya, not because he's the worst, but because he's the most interesting.  The favored Melinda Doowhatever and that Lakinda boring girl just don't make the show interesting.  If Sanji is willing to bring a follicle trainwreck to the stage every week, then by all means I am willing to vote for him.

Image Source: Just Jared

Clay Aiken: More Bad Hair

Since my previous Clay post was so popular among the Claymates (I'm sure they had to explain to Clay what a Playmate is, because he is far more familiar with Chippendale's dancers), let's address Clay Aiken's hair yet again.  It's bad.  It's unflattering, ugly, and it's just bad hair.

I can understand the transition Clay was going for.  He bulked up a bit (and it wasn't muscle) so he thought maybe a new hairdo would help distract from his Rubenesque figure (seriously, where the hell is Ruben, is he grafted to his couch?).  The color is flat and I really don't like this shade for his skintone.  If he really wants to stay dark, I think he should consider some highlights in front.  The haircut also doesn't do him any favors.  First of all, with the monster bangs he is removing his forehead from the face equation.  This just showcases his new double chin.  Also he is covering up the best feature on his alienesque face: his eyes. 

Claymates, admit it - you could get lost in his eyes for days, so do you really want them covered up?  Do you really want Clay covered up with this fugly hairdo?  Comment all you want to the contrary, you bitches know I'm right.

Technorati Tags: Clay Aiken, American Idol, Hair

Congratulations to Taylor Hicks!

Taylor Hicks is your American Idol

But more importantly, Taylor is my hair idol.  Why?  Because he does his very best with the hair that he naturally has - and for many people (including the millions who dye over their gray) that is a difficult thing to do.  Taylor's hair showed that he wasn't afraid to be himself.  Most entertainers are all made up to appear as young and hip as possible - but Taylor was comfortable being himself.  I think that appeals to people who are sick of cookie cutter pop stars.  His hair and his talent are authentic - and that is why he won.

Your move, Britney Spears.

Technorati Tags: Taylor Hicks, American Idol, Gray Hair, Grey Hair

Clay Aiken's New Hair

So should I even bother offering my commentary on this disaster?

Technorati Tags: Clay Aiken, American Idol

Ace Young: So you had a bad (hair) day. . .

Oh Ace, if only your voice was as pretty as you are.  But it's not - and now you're out of the running on American Idol.  Where did you go wrong?  Well, it wasn't song choice - love songs really get the 12 year old girl in me (and every other idle Idol-watcher) dialing to vote. 

Was it the hair, slicked back into an oily, matronly bun-like ponytail?  It sure as hell didn't help.  We will miss you, Ace.  And please know that you are better than the Daniel Powter "Bad Day" clip show and any sympathetic platitude that Paula Abdul can provide.  You have great hair, and that is all that really matters.  I'll totally buy your debut CD, if you thank your conditioner in the liner notes.

Since my sentimental favorite is now gone, I can now objectively rate the following contestants based purely on their hair. Here is my official prediction for the final six eliminations for American Idol:

1. Taylor Hicks (winner)-  His hair is unique and fantastically tousled. I am very happy that he didn't decide to dye over the gray.

2. Kellie Pickler - I hate the flat straw color, but I love the fringe layers in front.

3. Katherine McPhee - Great hair, but pretty boring.  The same can be said about her singing ability.

4. Paris Bennett - It's fake and ugly.  I feel more sorry for people who have tragic hair growing out of their skull, than the people who choose to buy ugly hair.

5. Elliot Yamin - I earlier summarized his blunt Caesar cut was that of a pedophile trucker.  I stand by that.

6. Chris Daughtry - This bitch is bald.

Bad Hair Czar decrees Ace Young is your American Idol

Dear America,

What are you thinking?  Why are you not voting for this hot head of hair that happens to be on a shockingly gorgeous face?  Why are you voting for people with bad hair like Bucky, Paris, and Elliot?  You're even voting for a bald dude?!  I don't care if you have too much of a life to watch lame karoake, look up his 800 number on the internet and VOTE! I don't care if you have to watch American Idol on mute, it's usually better that way. But like all things in life, please do not let your admiration go towards those with talent, direct it towards those with great hair.  Ace may or may not be able to sing, I really can't tell with that lousy falsetto he always breaks into.  But there is no arguing that he has the most fantastic man-bob since Brendan Fraser went bald.

P.S. Screw you all for not voting for David Radford . . . and John Stevens. . . and Anthony Federline - and all the terrible singers I liked who lost.

American Idol Bad Hair: Vote these Bitches Off!

Now that "Chicken Little" Kevin and his ironic faux sex symbol status are over, we can bask in the bad hair of the other idols.  First off, Elliot's blunt caesar cut is so bad that it makes him look like a pedophile trucker.  He may think he looks like George Clooney, but everyone else knows otherwise.  Seriously if that dude couldn't sing, he would shatter your screen from his creepiness.

And Paris needs to unclip the clip-on extensions.  They make her look like a Llaso Apso.

VOTE ACE!!!