Bad Hair Day

Christina Ricci: A Plea For Bangs

I haven't seen Christina Ricci in a movie in a while.  I had assumed that her forehead swallowed her whole, and from these pictures I'm not far from the truth.

When your forehead can be classified as real estate, fringe and/or bangs are a very good idea.  Yet somehow, I barely see Christina with bangs.  Does she consider her forehead a trademark feature, or does she just want to be recognized by the mothership when her species lands on earth?  With her great set of eyes and adorable nose, a nice set of fringe would draw attention to these attractive features and cover up the billboard up north.

To give you an idea of how fantastic Christina would look with bangs, I've used my fantastic and elusive photoshop skills to illustrate.

With some choppy, razored fringe, Christina would look edgy and beautiful.  With the side-swept bangs (which I borrowed from bang enthusiast Jennifer Love Hewitt), Christina would look polished and classy.  And best of all, she won't look like such a ridiculous alien.  Please Christina, consider your bang options, the Bad Hair Czar is begging you.

Technorati Tags: Christina Ricci, Giant Forehead, Bangs

Billy Ray Cyrus: Better Off With a Mullet

A track on Billy Ray Cyrus' new album bemoans "I Want My Mullet Back."  And no, Billy, you really don't.  But you also don't want your new orange toned George Michael emulating man-bob.  You may think it's hip in the front, but it's MySpace in the back. Maybe one day, Billy will find a haircut suitable for his age and the current decade.

Technorati Tags: Billy Ray Cyrus, Mullet

Bai Ling Bangs

The next time you ask your stylist for picture frame, blunt bangs - just remind yourself that you will look like this stupid bitch idiot on the left.

Layers are your friend, Bai Ling. 

For those not familiar with this monstrosity, there is good reason.  Showing up at every event possible seems to be her primary objective - having an actual acting career is a distant second.

Technorati Tags: Bai Ling, Bad Hair, Bangs

Liv Tyler: Good Hair Day

When I saw this recent photo Liv's flowing, fantastic hair, I took a figurative step back from my laptop.  WOW - this is such a dramatic change from the frumpy, frazzled Mom ponytail that I posted about in April.

I want celebrities to have great hair, I really do.  If they don't, then they are getting ripped off - because they spend thousands of dollars every year getting it cut, styled, and glued in.

Is Liv getting some fake hair help in this style?  If so, I can't tell.  If it is all her hair, then she is one damn lucky bitch.

Please keep it up, Liv!  I know motherhood is a far more noble pursuit than beauty, but why would you put great hair like this in a ponytail?

Technorati Tags: Liv Tyler, Celebrity Hair, Long Hair, Mom Hair, Hair

Denise Richards: Hooker Hair

I feel its my duty to report the extreme errors of celebrity hair (yes, that is my one and only goal in life).  I had to post this hair, I knew I had to when I first saw it.  Yet, I don't totally hate it.  Sure it's ironic given her estranged husband's hooker prefences (too little, too late Denise), but it fits with the Pussycat Dolls anniversary function she was performing at.  For those of you not familiar with the Pussycat Dolls, first of all, Congratulations!  If only my clarifying shampoo was strong enough to wipe those lipsyncing call girls out my brain.  Second of all, they are a group of hoebags who dress up like strippers and make bad music.  Don't get me wrong, I love stippers - but they are to be seen, and not heard.

I'm sorry, I just like this hair.  The mismatched texture with the poofed up topknot and the elaborated curled ends - it looks like a hairdresser's mistake - but I still love it.  This is the hair of a streetwalker who has made it.  And I bet Charlie thought about giving his marriage another shot after seeing this hairdo.

Denise Richards Pussycat Dolls Curly Hair

Clay Aiken: More Bad Hair

Since my previous Clay post was so popular among the Claymates (I'm sure they had to explain to Clay what a Playmate is, because he is far more familiar with Chippendale's dancers), let's address Clay Aiken's hair yet again.  It's bad.  It's unflattering, ugly, and it's just bad hair.

I can understand the transition Clay was going for.  He bulked up a bit (and it wasn't muscle) so he thought maybe a new hairdo would help distract from his Rubenesque figure (seriously, where the hell is Ruben, is he grafted to his couch?).  The color is flat and I really don't like this shade for his skintone.  If he really wants to stay dark, I think he should consider some highlights in front.  The haircut also doesn't do him any favors.  First of all, with the monster bangs he is removing his forehead from the face equation.  This just showcases his new double chin.  Also he is covering up the best feature on his alienesque face: his eyes. 

Claymates, admit it - you could get lost in his eyes for days, so do you really want them covered up?  Do you really want Clay covered up with this fugly hairdo?  Comment all you want to the contrary, you bitches know I'm right.

Technorati Tags: Clay Aiken, American Idol, Hair

Teri Hatcher: Bad Everything Day

Someone needs to tell Teri Hatcher that Salma Hayek already portrayed Frida Kahlo.  And at least when Salma frumped it up for an Oscar nod, she was able to go back to looking gorgeous in no time.  No such luck for Teri Hatcher. . .

Here she is in all her uneven nostril glory, clinging to the edge of any fashion in the most desperate way possible.  Maybe this unruly hairstyle wouldn't be so bad if it weren't paired with a wonky eye, clumpy false eyelashes, and some grotesque dangling earrings (which tackily matched with a polka dot dress that I cropped out for your sake).  But the hair is probably the least of her problems - hiring a new stylist should be the first thing on her busy agenda.  Maybe she can forego showing up to EVERY drop of the hat leukemic cat benefit to take care of this shit.

Technorati Tags: Teri Hatcher, Bad Hair

The Back of the Head was Jessica Alba

Maybe this one was too easy, because a few of you picked up on it (The quick Nerd Girl was the first). I like the hair better in the back than in the front (which basically surmises my entire opinion of Jessica Alba). I can never get my hair to look that fantastic in the back, so unless Jessica had her stylist handy that day, I think this might start a rumor that Alba can spin her head around like Linda Blair.

P.S. - Do you think she reads about her hair in Celebrity Hairstyles ?

Straggly Extension Day

Oh Ashlee - don't you feel like such a hypocrite for desperately trying to distinguish yourself from Jessica and then going out and getting the same nose job and hair extensions? It's too bad you can't steal her singing ability.

Nicole, maybe if you ate something and grew your own hair, you wouldn't have to use a headband to hide how your weave is molting.

Congratulations Lindsay - you partied so hard even your hair looks inebriated.

Technorati Tags: Ashlee Simpson, Nicole Ritchie, Lindsay Lohan, Hair Extensions

Jessica Simpson: Great Hair Week

I don't care if I lose all my credibility as a hair commentator (my mother and dog think quite highly of me), but I am wild over this new look from Jessica Simpson.  I have previously stated that I hated her continual choice of golden wheat hair color.  But from this, it looks like good ol' Jess is experimenting with color, and I think this look is very successful.  The warm lowlights add fantastic dimension to her usual boring blonde, and is flattering for her Mystic Tan complexion.  But don't worry blonde fans - she didn't dye her hair.  Instead she is sporting some great clip on extensions that are well-hidden in the layers of her hair.  You can achieve this look yourself with panel lowlights.  My next hair appointment is this Friday . . . and I am bringing this picture.

Jessica is having quite the good hair week, I also love this sleek updo.  Polished and perfect, but still with the fringe in front, which is very flattering if your eyes are wide-set.

Image Source : What Would Tyler Durden Do

Technorati Tags: Jessica Simpson, Hair, Hair Up-Dos, MTV Movie Awards, Lowlights