You know, it's hard out here for a Czar. The hair at this year's Oscars was so bad, I had to do a wet set on my Shih Tzu to cheer myself up. For starters, what was up with the terrible up-dos? If they weren't too tight and too creepy like Jennifer Lopez - they were too busy and too frizzy like Uma Thurman and Charlize Theron.
As J. Lo squeezed her ass into her stylist's chair, did she request the wax figure look? Did she specifically request that her hair be pulled facelift tight, and then some weird pastry-like bun be constructed in the back? And did Uma request a bird-like style, to match her bird features? To truly realize how hideous Charlize Theron's beehive was, you must see it from the front and the back:
It was BAD. Sure, everyone talked about how bad her dress was - but the hair was worse. Now, I like big hair. But it has to be big, artful hair. This ain't it. This up-do has some unhealthy looking frizz in the front and looks like it was held in place by hairspray and rubber cement in the back. She will be washing product of out her hair for a week, and will continue to find bobby pins nested in her skull for the next year.
Then there was limp, supermarket-caliber hair. Forgive me for expecting most people to at least put some effort into their hair. Would you wear khakis and a sweater to the Oscars? No. Then why did some women not even try when it came to their tresses?
Jennifer, you are only proving that Angelina Jolie is a definite upgrade. Angelina is too pregnant right now to be a sex symbol (except to people with odd fetishes), you should have stepped it up so that Team Aniston could earn a few points. And Kidman, the frizz in your thinning, colorless hair could put an eye out. I just don't get it, why didn't these women try??
And the worst hair couple easily easily goes to Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter:
Easily! It wasn't even a race. We get it, you're quirky, artistic geniuses. But guess what, you're not Clay-mation characters. Take it down, brush it out, or take it somewhere else.
I'll conclude with the Best Hair and the Worst Hair.
I don't know why I felt the need to label Keira's hair as the worst, since it speaks for itself. The color is hideous, the hair looked like it was pulled back without the aid of a mirror, and the dangling pieces of pathetic hair on the sides looked juvenile. The "Ponytail" is the only remotely polished part of the style, and it's a clip-on extension.
But now that I've ranted about the worst, let me end on the best. Jessica Alba, I have no idea what you were doing presenting at the Oscars because you have a snowball's chance in hell of ever receiving one. But thank you for showing up with a fantastic and fun updo. It was flattering and flawless, and it was the best hair of the evening.
So that's the Oscars for 2006, and the mostly terrible hair that dared to show up. The only good thing that came out of this Hair Horror, is that my dog's wet set turned out perfectly.
It is an interesting article to read. I completely agree Jessica Alba's hairstyle was the best at the Oscars. I've been trying to find some more pictures of it on the net for a week now. No success. I'm a senior in high school and on my graduation ball next month I want to have a hairstyle similar to hers. Could you please send me some pictures of Jessica Alba at the Oscars, so that I could show my hair-stylist what I want? Thank you.
Posted by: Antonia | April 27, 2006 at 02:00 AM
umm..... why dont you be an even BIGGER dick!?!
Posted by: some people are lame | April 27, 2006 at 06:07 AM
mmm... well i thought Uma's hairstlye was abolutely gorgeous.. Just like her!
Posted by: Tash | July 27, 2007 at 09:49 PM
all these ladies looked lovely. no idea what your problem is... maybe you're jealous of good looking people? get help. its never too late.
Posted by: leah | November 28, 2007 at 12:48 AM
all these ladies looked lovely. no idea what your problem is... maybe you're jealous of good looking people? get help. its never too late.
Posted by: leah | November 28, 2007 at 12:49 AM
What is wrong with you? Most of these hair styles looked great. Pray tell, does anybody have good hair in your opinion???
Posted by: Julie | October 11, 2008 at 11:04 PM
Most of those were absolutely horrendous compared to what you'd think a person would see at the Oscars, but I liked Kidman's hair. It was probably just a bit frizzy when the shot was taken-everyone's hair looks like that every once in a while unless you're wearing enough hair product to hold a house together>_>
And I honestly would have taken Knightly's hair over Abla's-it looks like a curly flat top from the front><
she looks better with long hair, in my opinion.
Posted by: allison | October 28, 2008 at 08:08 PM
Serioiusly! If you ever say anything bad about Beatrix Kiddo again, you are going to hell!!!
Posted by: bl00dThurstee | December 18, 2008 at 02:03 AM
wow, you have incredibly bad taste in hair. your winning style was the ugliest ... (this is coming from someone that gets a lot of compliments on her hair styles)
Posted by: adsf | March 04, 2009 at 09:52 PM
I really don't agree with you. I think some people don't have to do so much to look good! Look at Aniston, she is so pretty, so simple, why add fuss to her look!?? On the opposite, she just can show this ugly Jolie that at least she looks great all the time!
Posted by: Vanessa | April 02, 2009 at 01:29 AM
I liked Keira's hair, I know it looks as if she's just pulled it back herself, but there's something about it that like. I quite like her blonde aswell, except for the really dark contrasting eyebrows.
Is the pony-tail actually a clip-in??? I never knew that! x
Posted by: KeiraFan94 | April 19, 2009 at 10:07 AM
I'm a man, and as men of course that is a pleasure see all those queens of beauty in the red carpet, to me the hair style is not too important, to me the dress is the real important deal in this events.
Posted by: Generic Viagra | October 01, 2010 at 11:01 AM
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Posted by: suellen sue | February 18, 2011 at 10:43 PM
he frizz in your thinning, colorless hair could put an eye out. I just don't get it, why didn't these women try??
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Posted by: wholesale hair extensions | March 10, 2011 at 11:32 PM
Excellent hair styles I think the best one was the second one because look at her style, she was really beautiful, I'm in love with her since years ago that's why I've follow her career.m10m
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