Spot a hideous head of hair that you want to share?
« January 2006 | Main | March 2006 »
Jessica, thank you for showing us that even the most gorgeous women (or at least the women that the media tries to convince us are gorgeous) have bad hair days.
The roots, the crispy texture, the haphazard clipback - we all have those days. It's nothing to be ashamed of, that is unless you have photographers following you everywhere you go and snarky bloggers quickly post the pictures for everyone to see. In that case, you might want to take an extra couple minutes before you leave the house.
Here's the problem: short boyish haircuts only look good on women who have startingly feminine faces. Think Winona Ryder, Sharon Stone, and Isabella Rosselini. When you have a butter-face like Sienna's, you have to have a feminine haircut so as not to confuse people when you walk in the women's loo.
I predict in the next few months, her boho stripper extensions will be glued back on.
Here they are in their thinning, frizzy, bad hair glory: Rick and Kathy Hilton, mother and father of the Bad Hair Heiresses Paris and Nicky. Not only did they instill strong moral values in their children (such as not stealing a 90210 bitch's husband, not making lousy porn movies, not starring in crappy reality TV shows that further prove what a waste of carbon you are, and not starting a design company when you have absolutely no credentials), but they also passed on some hideous hair. I don't care what fraction of an old man's hotel fortune I might one day get, there is no way I would wade in that STD-ridden gene pool.
This is your sagging, pudgy, pathetic future, Paris and Nicky, deal with it Bitches!
Yes, we're all aware that Kevin Federline wants to be a hip hop star. Someone has to fill the void of Vanilla Ice. But how does a fledling wanna be R & B still pay homage to his whitetrash roots while he's busting mad rhymes about the Poppazit? The Cornrow Mullet. It's Diddy in the front, and Hillbilly in the back.
I like to think that Nicky Hilton cuddles up in bed with her laptop at night, and reads my blog. In my deluded dreamland, not only Nicky, but Joaquin Phoenix, Salma Hayek, and the snark-genius-gal who runs Celebrity Smack are also frequent readers.
Did she take my advice, or figure it out on her own? The hair isn't great, but it's better. Rather than wear her hair stick-straight and frizzy - it has a stylish wave that is appropiate for an evening event (and not the supermarket, as she usually wears her hair).
In all reality, whatever handler she has who in charge of making her look decent probably talked some sense into her and forced her to schedule at least a half hour to have her hair professionally styled. Perhaps, a couple precious hours with a colorist is soon to follow. Now if only she would ditch that little man, whose pale skin makes her look like an Oompa Loopa.
Billie, if you want to be confused with Billy Idol (who is 17 years your senior), go ahead. I don't even care if you look like crap. I don't even care that your music sounds like derivative crap and you're selling more CDs than ever.
I don't even care about your Boy George-esque makeup, splotchy skin, and creepy apologetic smile. Just to conclude, I don't even care.
Okay Nicky, it's time for an intervention. You aren't the most gorgeous heiress wanna-be fashion designer, but you could be if you just had better hair. This bleach-rot nonexistent eyebrow look makes you look like Lizzie Grubman. And that is even more tragic than the possibility that Paris is pregnant.
Please put more effort into styling your hair for big events, right now it looks like heading out to the supermarket to buy milk, or go to the drugstore to pick up Paris' herpes prescription. Add some fringe in the front to draw attention to your interesting eye color, experiment with curls, or at the very least tame the frizz when you wear it straight. While your at it, stop self-tanning and reclaim your eyebrows.
Do you really think cheap bad hair like this is going to sell your cheap bad clothing line?
Look, Kelly, there is windswept and then there is over-the-top-hairsprayed-within-an-inch-of-its-life-crispy-fried-fake-fugly-ugly-FAKE.
Can you guess which category you land in?
Keep smiling, dollface, and pretend that people will actually care about who are you now that Destiny's Child is over and Beyonce is dominating (bad) movies and (somewhat okay) music.
Jessica Simpson is doing one thing right in this photo - a great headband can be a flattering and simple solution for boring wash and wear hair. Bad Hair Czar predicts that headbands and hair scarves are going to be the next hot thing for spring and summer, so make sure to pick out some cute patterns currently available at Kailo Chic
So give your hair a few days off from heat styling. Put a light styling cream in damp or dry hair and brush back the front of the hair before you place the headband on. Carefully place the headband to reduce frizz and stragglers. For extra volume, push the headband forward slowly. Brush hair in the back smooth and then pair with your favorite Giant Alien/Nicole Ritchie sunglasses.
I love a good sale, as my alter-ego PurseDeals can attest. Drugstore.com is celebrating their anniversary with a truly fantastic sale with discounts up to 50%. Of course, the usual suspects are sale (i.e. the two hot styling tools that all women should own some variation of):
Conair Ion Shine 1875 Watt Hair Dryer 146LDF $14.99 (Original Price $32.99)
Conair Supreme 10 1-1/4 Curling Iron $5.99 (Original Price $13.99)
But here's a handy tool you might not yet be aware of:
Conair Soft Bonnet Hair Dryer, Model SB1
$24.99 (Original Price $34.99)
How does this work? It works just like the hood dryer at your salon. Set damp hair in rollers and use the bonnet to dry. Wet set curls last longer, and work better on super-straight hair. This tool can also be used for hot conditioning treatments.
Get up to 50% off hundreds of products during the Anniversary Sale! (Ends 3-15-06)
Redken Guts Volume Spray Foam
Paul Mitchell Spray Wax
Redken Extreme CAT protein treatment
