Bad Hair Day

UK In Style Magazine: ROOTS, ROOTS, ROOTS

Roots gracing the cover of In Style magazine is an international thing, I guess.  I previously bitched about the US Uma Thurman Cover.  But at least with Uma, it was only the roots that bothered me.  Here's what is wrong with this cover:

1) They choose the fugliest person on the planet to helm their cover.  I'd like to know what magazine editor's convention Dr. Sunken Tits slept her way through.  First she gets on Blackwell's best dressed list (wa huh?), and then after Elizabethtown and Wimbledon flopped, she's still getting magazine covers.

2) They didn't airbrush out the roots the same way they airbrushed the rest of her features, so she could look remarkably human.

3) Is her hair supposed to look like a wrung up rag draped across her head?  It has no shape and erratic texture.  If this is their idea of "Glam Hair in a Hurry" - I hope they aren't going anywhere nicer than the supermarket.

4) Including the bitch on the cover, they have 69 Great Bags in this issue.

That 70s Mustasche

Justin Timberlake, please observe Danny Masterson.  This is facial hair done right.  Neatly trimmed, clean, and filled out.  Sure, it's a little Motorcyle Coppish, but most cookie dusters usually are.

Double points for maintaining always-tricky curly hair, instead of giving up and shaving it off.  I wish more men would embrace their curls!

Nicky Hilton Has Bad Blond Hair

I don't believe I was too harsh in the past when I said Nicky Hilton's face is busted.  She looks like JOE CAMEL, or a drag queen in a Joe Camel costume.

But let's forget her mannish, swollen face and focus on the hair - which is busted, as well.  With her orangy tan, and alarmingly blue eyes- I really don't think straw yellow is the best hair color choice.  I also think the cut is not doing anything for her either. With a butter face like that, you have to use some layers to frame the good features, and hide the bad.

Ashlee finally wins a Hair Duel against Jessica

After years of being the "other Simpson sister" - Ashlee's hair is on the up and is dramatically improved, and Jessica's hair just keeps getting worse.

Here, Ashlee's hair looks confident, healthy and real.  She is rocking the simple, textured bob.  Jessica, though, is dragging around over the top, FAKE FAKE FAKE extensions that make her look like she is desperate for any spotlight.

Should your hair color be the same as your skin color?  Apparently, Jessica thinks so.  With the matching orange fake tan, and bleach orange fake hair - Jessica looks like she is made of wax.  Congratulations, Ashlee, you look real.  Please don't go back to your 80s hair band black extensions, and do your best to talk Jessica out of hers!

Vintage Bad Hair: Nicole Ritchie

Nicole, we can't really blame this terrible hair on malnutrition, because this was back when she was large and in charge of her health.

But I can understand what motivated these lousy extensions that look like tightly wound pieces of straw, some of which were colored with magic markers.  After years of being asked by dumbasses whether or not she is black, just because she has a tan and was adopted by a black man, why not get some dreadfully awful dreadlock extensions?

What I can't explain is the two toned roots - starting at very dark, then a medium blond, and then finally the light blond.  Were some of these extensions glued to her natural hair - or did she just have a terrible colorist?

I don't know and I don't care.  It might have been bad hair, but at least it was interesting.  Now that's she's a shadow of her former vibrant self, she looks like a balding old lady.

Matt Dillon: Is that a Piece?

I previously hailed Matt Dillon's hair at the Golden Globes, and even if it's a piece or plugs that doesn't change my opinion.

The reason I am pondering over this photo is because of the following: 1) the hair in front is growing in a totally different direction than the rest of his hair, and 2) there appears to be gap between the possible hair piece in the front and the rest of the hair.

I'm no expert on male hairpieces - but I fully understand the reason they are used.  Ben Affleck, Brendan Fraser, and Jeremy Piven also sport hairpieces.  I have a full head of hair, and I still use a good piece now and again  So if it's a piece, at least it's good one.  But I would love to hear some other people's opinions on this observation.

Roots are In Style?

Air-brushing in magazines is so ridiculous sometimes (do you really think Uma's knees are that shiny and perfect).  But I'm surprised in this photo by what they didn't edit out in this shot.  Hot damn, look at those ROOTS!

Chances are, if you're breathing - your hair is growing.  Roots are nothing to be overly ashamed of in day to day life, but do you really want them showcased on a magazine cover?  But if they're going to go through the trouble to airbrush off 10 years, you might as well airbrush off a month's worth of regrowth.

Men Used Hair Gel 2300 Years Ago

I just read an interesting story Here about a couple mummies that were found in an Irish peat bog.

One of the mummies' "hair style was swept upward on top of his head, perhaps to add a few inches to his height. The hair was held in place by a type of 'hair gel' which was composed of a mixture of pine resin and vegetable oil,"

So if men from thousands of years ago weren't afraid of a little product - why do so many men avoid it now?

When you only have a couple inches of hair, it takes very little product and very little time to jazz it up and keep it in place.  On a windy day - it's a must!

                              

Lizzie Grubman: Karma is Homely Bitch Pt. 2

Where do I begin - the bleach rot hair, the bleached beyond existence eyebrows, the bland haircut that elongates her face?  Or maybe I should just let the hair speak for itself and lament the terrible sundamaged skin.

The skin isn't going to magically repair itself - but she can pick a much more flattering hair color and cut.  Oh, and some eyebrows would help.

The dog has great hair though - fantastic lowlights!  She should take her little pup to her colorist as an example of what multi-dimensional color should look like.

Kimberly Stewart: Karma is a Homely Bitch

I'm sorry, Kimberly Stewart, what exactly gives you the right to call Jennifer Aniston homely?  Jenn may not have the best of features, but there is no arguing that Aniston has great hair!  You however, not so much.

1) You look like a dude.  You wouldn't even place in a drag queen Jennifer Aniston look-a-like contest, because there are better looking female impersonators than you.

2) Your hair looks like a sythentic wig, and a cheap one at that.  What is up with the flat color and funky texture?

3) What is up with the weird bangs and headband?  A headband does not a hairstyle make.   Believe it or not, you have to brush out your wig or your weave occasionally.