Bad Hair Day

Paris and Perez: Bad Hair BFFs For Life

No, that beast on the right is not the lovechild of Elton John and Rick Moranis - that bulky blob of bad taste is Perez Hilton - the e-famous blogger we all hate to realize exists.

I think we all know why Paris lets Perez hang out with her.  Standing next to Perez, Paris looks downright classy, put together, and less like a camel.  I would comment about Paris's hair but I'm far more distracted by the chinchilla fur eyelashes she is wearing (I guess she wanted to make her eyes look even beadier.)  And Perez's hair?  With the way he dresses and interacts with people, I can only assume wants to crush the myth that gay men are stylish and charming.

Image Source: FadedYouth

Paris Hilton: Back to Back Bitch

I hate to do sequential Paris Hilton posts, because talking about her only contributes to the Paris disease.  If only Valtrex could cure hearing about Paris Hilton all the damn time.

The color is creepy and wrong, and the style makes it look like she dug through Tara Reid's trash can for used hair extensions.

There, I said it.  I think I'm gonna have to do an actual celebrity post to cleanse my mind of this bitch.

Image Source: Faded Youth

Technorati Tags: Paris Hilton, Hair Extensions, Bad Hair, Herpes

Paris Hilton: Take Your Wig and Go Home

No, Paris Hilton did not pull a Britney and dye her hair black too.  She just decided to change it up and wear a wig to one of the billion pointless events she shows up to so she can convince herself that she is important.

I don't hate the wig style and giant sunglasses because it covers up a good portion of her face.  The color is pretty darn flat, though, and is not a flattering color for her.  What hair color do I think would look best on Paris?  How about the hair color I don't have to see plastered all over because this bitch is addicted to showing up at places and getting her picture taken.

Technorati Tags: Paris Hilton, Wig, Herpes

Paris and Nicky Hilton: Tandem Bad Hair Day #872

I'm trying to understand what went through the heads of Paris and Nicky Hilton as they got ready for some non-event excuse to give out giftbags and take pictures of ho-bags.

Paris: I'm totally going to frost my hair so it looks frozen and gray.

Nicky: That's so hot.  I'm gonna throw my scraggly strands into a pony tail, just like I do when I purge.

Paris: That's so hot.  And then we'll both just stare vacantly until we get an offer to do a Valtrex commerical.

Nicky: Herpes is so hot.

Sadly, I realize my quest for understanding is in vain - because cement doesn't contemplate what its being molded into.  It just shows up, gets walked all over, and hopefully one day cracks and crumbles away into obscurity.

Nicky Hilton: I give up.

Oh Nicky.  Why do you do this to me?  Just when I think you're going to someday have presentable hair - you fall off the bad hair wagon again and again.

If you want to look like Joe Camel with a terrible dyejob, then go ahead.  Clearly you don't know how to choose the right people to do your hair and makeup and you want to look like CRAP.

Best of luck with that.

Hilton Parents: Bad Hair is Genetic and Pathetic.

Here they are in their thinning, frizzy, bad hair glory: Rick and Kathy Hilton, mother and father of the Bad Hair Heiresses Paris and Nicky.  Not only did they instill strong moral values in their children (such as not stealing a 90210 bitch's husband, not making lousy porn movies, not starring in crappy reality TV shows that further prove what a waste of carbon you are, and not starting a design company when you have absolutely no credentials), but they also passed on some hideous hair.  I don't care what fraction of an old man's hotel fortune I might one day get, there is no way I would wade in that STD-ridden gene pool.

This is your sagging, pudgy, pathetic future, Paris and Nicky, deal with it Bitches!

Nicky Hilton: It's Getting Better (or less bad)

I like to think that Nicky Hilton cuddles up in bed with her laptop at night, and reads my blog.  In my deluded dreamland, not only Nicky, but Joaquin Phoenix, Salma Hayek, and the snark-genius-gal who runs Celebrity Smack are also frequent readers.

Did she take my advice, or figure it out on her own?  The hair isn't great, but it's better.  Rather than wear her hair stick-straight and frizzy - it has a stylish wave that is appropiate for an evening event (and not the supermarket, as she usually wears her hair).

In all reality, whatever handler she has who in charge of making her look decent probably talked some sense into her and forced her to schedule at least a half hour to have her hair professionally styled.  Perhaps, a couple precious hours with a colorist is soon to follow.  Now if only she would ditch that little man, whose pale skin makes her look like an Oompa Loopa.

Nicky Hilton: Bad Hair Intervention

Okay Nicky, it's time for an intervention.  You aren't the most gorgeous heiress wanna-be fashion designer, but you could be if you just had better hair.  This bleach-rot nonexistent eyebrow look makes you look like Lizzie Grubman.  And that is even more tragic than the possibility that Paris is pregnant.

Please put more effort into styling your hair for big events, right now it looks like heading out to the supermarket to buy milk, or go to the drugstore to pick up Paris' herpes prescription.  Add some fringe in the front to draw attention to your interesting eye color, experiment with curls, or at the very least tame the frizz when you wear it straight.  While your at it, stop self-tanning and reclaim your eyebrows.

Do you really think cheap bad hair like this is going to sell your cheap bad clothing line?

Paris Hilton: Fake Hair to match her Fake Fame

Thu-An, a Bad Hair Day reader, sent in these pictures of Paris Hilton's terrible synthetic braid.  This observant reader asks:

"How many Barbies were murdered to make Paris' ugly stiff-looking
braid-thingy? Bad bad BAD hair piece....tss tss tss"

I must say, good call!  This is horrible synthetic hair, similiar to quality that you would find on a cheap doll.  It doesn't look close to real, and it doesn't even come close to matching her blonde shade.  Synthetic hair reflects light differently than real hair, so when you're looking at it natural light it might not look that bad.  But when flash photography hits, the plasticity shows for not only the fake hair but for the fake star. 

Got a hideous head of hair you want to share?  Send me what you got at optionalentertainment@gmail.com.

Nicky Hilton Has Bad Blond Hair

I don't believe I was too harsh in the past when I said Nicky Hilton's face is busted.  She looks like JOE CAMEL, or a drag queen in a Joe Camel costume.

But let's forget her mannish, swollen face and focus on the hair - which is busted, as well.  With her orangy tan, and alarmingly blue eyes- I really don't think straw yellow is the best hair color choice.  I also think the cut is not doing anything for her either. With a butter face like that, you have to use some layers to frame the good features, and hide the bad.