Bad Hair Day

Jessica Simpson: Does Ken Paves have to choke a bitch?

Even my geriatric Shih Tzu with cataracts can see that this hairpiece doesn't match the color and texture of Jessica's natural hair.

Why Ken Paves (the Hair Pimp, and Will to Jessica's desperate and narcissistic Grace) would let Jessica leave the house with fake hair this obvious and mismatched is beyond me and my dog.  Even though he looks like a sedated muppet, her main gay will have to discipline her harshly for this - perhaps, by inflicting some more terrible headbands on her or making her look like a deranged stepford wife yet again.  Not only does Jessica look fak(er) than usual, this is a major disservice to the latest product Jessica is hawking.  If someone like Jessica Simpson can't make her fake hair line look decent, what chance do the synthetic hair shoppers of the world stand?  Synthetic hair shoppers of the world unite, boycott Jessica Simpson's fake hair!

Source: Hollywood Gossip Whores

Jessica Simpson: Bad Hair For Sale

Sometimes it's just not the hair, but the entire package that makes someone look they are having a bad hair day.  Look at Jessica Simpson and her bedraggled headband, lobotomized TRL disaster and it definitely proves my point.

The hair is the least of her problems.  Hair can be washed out, tinted to a human color, or at the very least have a cheap mass-produced synthetic wiglet thrown in to promote her wig line.  It's the demented, dead inside, but at least the Botox is still working look in her eyes that worries me.

Deep inside Jessica's hollow head she is chanting: Buy my fake hair and fake music, bitches.  Or I will track down and skin your dogs for my shoddy handbag line.

Everything about Jessica Simpson is for sale - her fake hair, her fugly jeans, and outdated cowboy boot collection.  It might be time to take a break, Jess, if you haven't noticed the Billboard charts - no one is buying you anymore.

Image Source: Faded Youth

Straggly Extension Day

Oh Ashlee - don't you feel like such a hypocrite for desperately trying to distinguish yourself from Jessica and then going out and getting the same nose job and hair extensions? It's too bad you can't steal her singing ability.

Nicole, maybe if you ate something and grew your own hair, you wouldn't have to use a headband to hide how your weave is molting.

Congratulations Lindsay - you partied so hard even your hair looks inebriated.

Technorati Tags: Ashlee Simpson, Nicole Ritchie, Lindsay Lohan, Hair Extensions

Jessica Simpson: Great Hair Week

I don't care if I lose all my credibility as a hair commentator (my mother and dog think quite highly of me), but I am wild over this new look from Jessica Simpson.  I have previously stated that I hated her continual choice of golden wheat hair color.  But from this, it looks like good ol' Jess is experimenting with color, and I think this look is very successful.  The warm lowlights add fantastic dimension to her usual boring blonde, and is flattering for her Mystic Tan complexion.  But don't worry blonde fans - she didn't dye her hair.  Instead she is sporting some great clip on extensions that are well-hidden in the layers of her hair.  You can achieve this look yourself with panel lowlights.  My next hair appointment is this Friday . . . and I am bringing this picture.

Jessica is having quite the good hair week, I also love this sleek updo.  Polished and perfect, but still with the fringe in front, which is very flattering if your eyes are wide-set.

Image Source : What Would Tyler Durden Do

Technorati Tags: Jessica Simpson, Hair, Hair Up-Dos, MTV Movie Awards, Lowlights

More Simpson Sister Hair

I had no idea Ashlee was taller than Jessica.  Somehow, in this picture - Jessica looks like the floppy, insecure little sister and Ashlee looks like the confident fashionista.

Maybe it's because Ashlee has yet to experience a highly publicized/pimped marriage crash and burn, or promote a line of embarrashingly cheap bedazzled jeans.  Or maybe, it's the hair.

Ashlee is sporting a subtle, flowing wave that somehow manages to look cascading and polished.  Jessica just has an out of control, fluffy, fringed disaster that she appears to be sheepishly hiding behind.  Could that be why their sister roles appear to be reversed?  Or maybe, it's just a great pair of heels.

Jessica Simpson: Shorter but Worse

Yes, I was vehemently against the 3 foot terrible extensions that Jessica was sporting for these past couple months.  But this isn't any better.

Sadly, Jessica Simpson is starting her own line of extensions with her hair stylist/BFF Ken Paves.  While I did love the line he created with Hair-U-Wear, I must urge you all: DO NOT BUY JESSICA SIMPSON EXTENSIONS.

Why?  Because you're supporting ridiculously tragic hair like this.  And if her line has headband falls that are this shoddy looking, you are better off being bald.

Jessica and Ashlee Simpson: Bad Hair for LIFE!

Oh, to be Ashlee Simpson.  Even as a child she was far uglier than her still ugly sister. 

Oh, to be Jessica Simpson.  Even as a child, she still had that vapid, empty space between her eyes that you could drive a Mini Cooper through.

You can learn a lot from this picture of these two young ladies before they were shoved down the throat of anyone who dared leave the house, watch TV, go on the internet, or breathe oxygen.  First, Ashlee has always had a strong predilection towards unflattering bangs.  Second, as a young girl Jessica's hair was a dark blonde and since hair darkens as we age, her natural hair color now is probably a light brown.  So now that we all know it's a facade, she can ditch the dumb blonde routine.

Jessica Simpson: Headbands are Hot, Ridiculous Extensions are Not

Jessica Simpson is doing one thing right in this photo - a great headband can be a flattering and simple solution for boring wash and wear hair. Bad Hair Czar predicts that headbands and hair scarves are going to be the next hot thing for spring and summer, so make sure to pick out some cute patterns currently available at Kailo Chic

So give your hair a few days off from heat styling.  Put a light styling cream in damp or dry hair and brush back the front of the hair before you place the headband on.  Carefully place the headband to reduce frizz and stragglers.  For extra volume, push the headband forward slowly.  Brush hair in the back smooth and then pair with your favorite Giant Alien/Nicole Ritchie sunglasses.

Ashlee Simpson has seen the light

Whoever is currently styling Ashlee Simpson's hair: THANK YOU! She ditched those hideous bangs (that only made her chin and nose look longer) and has gotten rid of the straggly extensions.  It almost looks like she has gotten plastic surgery, but she just has a better hairstyle.

Her hair looks healthy and cute - and the sideswept fringe shows off her best feature: her eyes.  The color works, but she better keep those roots under control, or get some lowlights that blend the roots in.

Bad Jessica Simpson Hair

What's the best way to get over a breakup - get some ugly-ass extensions.  If you're lucky, they'll look even faker than your marriage.

I've been watching these extensions for the past couple days, hoping they would come out - but they are here to stay.  But hopefully y'all will learn from these follicle crimes.  The first thing to realize is that if your extensions look like they are attached to your shoulders and not your head - you might want to take them out and try again.

Notice the texture at the top of her head (full, straight) and compare it to the spindly curls at the bottom.  I fully support any woman's decision to sport fake hair - but at least try to make it look real and not like some synthetic hair you clipped to the base of your head, hoping you'd fool small children and vision-impaired dogs.