Oh Ace, if only your voice was as pretty as you are. But it's not - and now you're out of the running on American Idol. Where did you go wrong? Well, it wasn't song choice - love songs really get the 12 year old girl in me (and every other idle Idol-watcher) dialing to vote.
Was it the hair, slicked back into an oily, matronly bun-like ponytail? It sure as hell didn't help. We will miss you, Ace. And please know that you are better than the Daniel Powter "Bad Day" clip show and any sympathetic platitude that Paula Abdul can provide. You have great hair, and that is all that really matters. I'll totally buy your debut CD, if you thank your conditioner in the liner notes.
Since my sentimental favorite is now gone, I can now objectively rate the following contestants based purely on their hair. Here is my official prediction for the final six eliminations for American Idol:
1. Taylor Hicks (winner)- His hair is unique and fantastically tousled. I am very happy that he didn't decide to dye over the gray.
2. Kellie Pickler - I hate the flat straw color, but I love the fringe layers in front.
3. Katherine McPhee - Great hair, but pretty boring. The same can be said about her singing ability.
4. Paris Bennett - It's fake and ugly. I feel more sorry for people who have tragic hair growing out of their skull, than the people who choose to buy ugly hair.
5. Elliot Yamin - I earlier summarized his blunt Caesar cut was that of a pedophile trucker. I stand by that.
6. Chris Daughtry - This bitch is bald.