The first episode of Bravo's Blow Out was the most scripted, set up, manic attempt to glamourize a jackass that I've ever seen. For some reason, Jonathan really wants us to believe that he's so god damned busy. He has to show up at his Salon and do a cursory Fonzzie "Hey" walk-through to all the stylists doing the actual work, he has to meet with his manager/ego-stroker, he has to go to a meeting with the people who do the actual work on his hair product line and throw a tantrum (if a high school dropout can even grasp the chemistry behind sophisticated hair product lines, let alone claim he made the formulas, then Jessica Simpson can cure cancer). And of course, he has to give a baby a haircut, when his actual baby is M.I.A. throughout the entire episode. He will talk about his baby to anyone will listen, but do you think this bitch ever changes a diaper?
He wants you to believe it's all about the hair. It's all about making people confident and happy. But it's not. It's all about making Jonathan happy, and portraying Jonathan to be the most dramatic and talented hair God of all time. Jonathan doesn't listen to anyone or care about what they want, which is why he is the last person I would ever trust to do my hair.
He is also the last person that anyone should trust to do hair for their ad campaign, as proven by the poor people at Revolver clothing. Jonathan decides not to listen to the client, who asks Jonathan to create above the shoulder, lifted styles that showcase some frankly cheap and pedestrian looking clothes. Instead, Jonathon sends one of his workhorse hairdressers to get 4 feet of extensions - and then strips the models naked, covering them up with fake hair. Of course, a scripted blow up occurs between Revolver clothing and Jonathon. But all ends up well, when for some strange reason they decide to go with Jonathon's naked hype campaign, instead of their practical idea to, I don't know, actually sell the clothes.
This show is not about hair, it's about Jonathan and his struggles to get the most camera time as possible. As a fan of hair, I have a pretty good idea why the hair doesn't take center stage. This is because Jonathan Antin is not as amazing of a hairstylist as he'd like to have you believe. When he actually does a haircut (which is only ever so occasionally, because he's too busy jetsetting to various look-at-me activities), it isnt' worth the $300 some poor woman got charged for it. It's a capable haircut, that is styled by some poor assistant who gets paid 1/1000th that Jonathan does and has to put up with the 1000x bitch boss. I wish these women would save themselves the money and just find a sane stylist for 1/3 the price. But of course, these women want to pay more money for the hype, for the hope that she'll walk down the street with a piece of art on her head that other people will recognize and admire. But Jonathan doesn't give people art - his haircuts are high-quality but typical and they all look the same because Jonathan doesn't have very many hair tricks up his sleeve. I don't consider him to be an artist, but rather a technician who slaps a high price on 20 minutes of work, and then bitches and whines about how he doesn't have time to cut the hair of the hundreds of insecure women who line up around the block.
But it isn't just his haircuts that are overrated, it's his hairstyles as well. In the second season, Jonathan proved to anyone with a rudimentary knowledge of hair that he didn't know the difference between pin curls and spit curls. When Jonathan does a hairstyle for a photo shoot or B-list celebrity, it ends up looking like bad country wedding hair from Dolly Parton's salon in Steel Magnolias: Curled, fluffy, and artless. Depending on where you are going, this could be nice hair. But for someone with all the hype of lousy reality TV show behind him, why isn't he doing something different, or stunning, or at the very least, something we haven't seen him do over and over again.
Seriously, do you think this frizz-ridden hairstyle he did for Diana DeGarmo is all that amazing or skilled? Is this any different from what a reasonably priced hairdresser with a couple years experience can do? Would you spend hundreds of dollars and tolerate Jonathan's bitching for this?
Jonathan has to throw tantrums. He has to cry, he has to pout, he has to kick doors and pick fights with anyone who won't blindly put up with him. Because if you took that away, he would just be a metrosexual asshole who wants to be on TV because he charges too much for haircut. And of course, people like me will watch because we love to hate him for it. It also makes me appreciate my much cheaper haircut from my extremely pleasant hairdresser, who actually listens to my requests and doesn't throw hair product at doors.