Bad Hair Day

Shear Genius premieres tonight.

Finally basic cable has found a way to combine my two favorite things: Fierce Hair and Shows that unapologetically copy the uber-successful Project Runway formula.  The formula is as follows: Step One: Find a super hot femme to host (Todd Oldham, I'm looking at you, baby).  Step Two: Find a group of wacky wanna be celebs that have no self respect, but loads of talent.  Step Three: Air on Wednesday, and basically any other time you can.  Check BravoTV's schedule for Shear Genius - I'll be doing recaps all season!

Image copy and pasted from Bravo.

Kelly Osbourne: Bad Wig Day

 

Giving Britney Spears a run on her bad wig money, Kelly?

Image Source: Dlisted

Christina Ricci: Bad Bangs

In a previous post, I made a sincere request to Christina Ricci for bangs.  But much like the in the tale of the monkey paw, I should be careful what I wish for.

These were not the bangs I envisioned.  They make her look like a weird cross between Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Connelly.  The full-on, piecey bangs look like she did it herself with a pair of child-safe scissors.  She'd look much better with a side-swept bang, or a parted fringe with layers to blend in with the rest of her hair.   So I must make another plea to Christina for better bangs.

Image Source: My Scuttlebutt

The Beckhams: A Hair Twin Study

It looks like the latest Soccer emigrant, David Beckham, liked his wife Victoria -Posh Spice- Beckham's haircut so much, that he decided to emulate it.  I like the highlighted, swooping bang look on Victoria.  It's chic, and really plays up her augmented gamine features.

On Mr. Beckham, however, it still looks like a chic women's cut.  And while the soccer fans of Myspace will embrace it, I'm not sure about the rest of the USA sports world.  It's too pretty, it's too clean.  For his sake, I hope there have been extensive studies about how hair wax reacts with gatorade.

Hair Flip Friday: Shakira, Shakira (again)

Shakira wows us again with the way her hair (and body) moves.

Image Source: Faded Youth

Eva Longoria and Ken Paves: One True Hair Pairing

I might just have to take back everything I said about Ken Paves and his lousy Jessica Simpon fake hair line.  Eva Longoria is looking fantastic!  The deep shade of brown is striking against her skintone.  And the volume and shape of her hairstyle plays down her insect features.

Image Source: Faded Youth

Sanjaya's Faux-Hawk is Faux-bulous!

Look before I address the hair, let's address the flawed concept behind a Gwen Stefani theme show.  While Gwen-themed bad hair was inevitable, I didn't know it would be this delightfully bad.  What I'm really wondering is why Sanjaya would sing a Gwen Stefani song in an alleged "singing" competition.  While most of the other contestants took advance of the opportunity to sing actual songs from artists that inspired Gwen Stefani (but apparently, not enough), Sanjaya digs up an old ditty from No Doubt.  Well, at least he didn't sing "Hollaback Girl."

But on to the hair, rarely does this Czar encouter bad hair that's so ridiculous, that it's absolutely fantastic.  Little Sanjaya could never pull off a real Mohawk, and heaven forbid he shave off some of those gorgeous Hooters-quality locks.  But this glammed up, teased up, ponied up faux-hawk is perfect for him.  It's all fluff and hairspray.  And when he takes his hair down at the end of the day, he can easily go back to his Farrah Fawcett pre-cancer look.  The whole look was so tongue in cheek ludicrous, that Sanjaya must have figured out that if he's gonna be the running joke of this competition, he might as well run with it.  And I salute that!

I vote for Sanjaya, not because he's the worst, but because he's the most interesting.  The favored Melinda Doowhatever and that Lakinda boring girl just don't make the show interesting.  If Sanji is willing to bring a follicle trainwreck to the stage every week, then by all means I am willing to vote for him.

Image Source: Just Jared

Jennifer Lopez brings this blog back from the dead

Well, it's been quite a while hasn't it?  I don't know what happened - it seems like just yesterday I was bitching and moaning about Britney's bad hair.  Perhaps I should follow her shorning example and start all over again on this blog.

Critique on Britney's developing hairline is sure to follow, but for now I'm gonna start with the easy, tried and true hairstyle to bitch about - the matronly bun that J.Lo inexplicably manages to add a zombie twist to.   Maybe it's because Jennifer Lopez can't get herself knocked up by her Skeletor excuse of a man and she's trying to address her motherly issues anywhere, but the top of her head shouldn't be where she takes it.  She's a beautiful woman behind that racoon eye makeup and librarian bun.  Maybe she should let down her hair, and ditch her action figure sized husband.  But until then, I'm happy she provided the perfect example for why I should still be bitching about celebrity hair.

Image Source: Faded Youth

Penelope Cruz: Good Hair is Somewhere Out There.

Not only does Penelope Cruz's face look like Fievel from An American Tail, but at this event she's kinda dressing like a 19th century Russian Mouse immigrant too. But let's focus on the hair.  What is going on up there?

The frizz, the awkward sidesweep, the fluff, the curl and the fug.  I hate to sound like Nina Garcia, the most inarticulate and useless judge on Project Runway, but I don't get it.

Image Source: Celebrity Snap

Carmen Electra: She can do better.

When did Carmen Electra turn into the drag queen version of herself?  Why she decided to go darker is beyond me, it might be for a role in a straight to video flop or Lifetime movie of the week.  And in that movie, she plays a boring and struggling mother of 3 who just doesn't have access to a good hair colorist. . . and her husband beats her or embezzles from a call girl ring.  Or it might be that Carmen sees her 35th birthday on the horizon, and is hanging up her beach bikini and sun-kissed hair.  Don't give up just yet, Carmen.  Who knows how many Scary Movie sequels they'll need you for.

What suprises me is that darker hair usually makes light eyes pop.  This may or may not be true for Carmen's usually fantastic green eyes.  But with her second best pair of assets hiding behind yards of eyeliner, I can't really tell.  But what I can tell is that a blah-blah hair color like this isn't doing this C-movie starlet any favors.

Image Source: Celebrity Snap

Lauren Holly: You Tell Me

Hey remember Lauren Holly?  Oh, you don't.  Well, tell me what you think about her crop job anyway.

The best critiques will be featured in this post.

Image Source: Celebrity Snap

Nikki Cox: Bad Hair Cry For Help?

Is Nikki Cox okay?  Sure, she's probably happy being engaged to Jay Mohr (huge step up from Bobcat Goldthwait, but really who isn't?).  And she's probably quite happy on that location-titled TV show I keep seeing commercials for, but never watch because it's buried on the second best night of the week to schedule a lousy TV show.

But leaving the house with hair as bad as this has to be some sign of mental distress, right?  She looks like she's been attacked by a rapid disgruntled bird.  And it further proves the death of the headband.  I hope she gets the follicle help that she needs. . . soon.

Image Source: Celebrity Snap!

Jessica Simpson: Does Ken Paves have to choke a bitch?

Even my geriatric Shih Tzu with cataracts can see that this hairpiece doesn't match the color and texture of Jessica's natural hair.

Why Ken Paves (the Hair Pimp, and Will to Jessica's desperate and narcissistic Grace) would let Jessica leave the house with fake hair this obvious and mismatched is beyond me and my dog.  Even though he looks like a sedated muppet, her main gay will have to discipline her harshly for this - perhaps, by inflicting some more terrible headbands on her or making her look like a deranged stepford wife yet again.  Not only does Jessica look fak(er) than usual, this is a major disservice to the latest product Jessica is hawking.  If someone like Jessica Simpson can't make her fake hair line look decent, what chance do the synthetic hair shoppers of the world stand?  Synthetic hair shoppers of the world unite, boycott Jessica Simpson's fake hair!

Source: Hollywood Gossip Whores

Hair Flip Friday: Katherine Heigl

My hair would flip too, if I found a pair of shoes to match that killer belt.

Isabella Rossellini: She Can Do Better

I hate to add to the sexist ageism in the entertainment industry (because George Clooney is distinguised and Diane Keaton is matronly), but Isabella is too old for this haircut.  There is nothing wrong with growing older, and if anyone has aged damn well, it is Isabella Rossellini.  But in the same way that a person reconsiders their wardrobe as they mature, they also need to make the same considerations towards their hairstyle.  While this haircut would look great on a young gal like Audrey Tautou, on an older woman it just frames the feature on Isabella that has aged the worst: her eyes.  Isabella is still beautiful, no matter her age.  But with a better and less helmet-like haircut, she can look much younger.